?

Log in

[9/25/11]


Here is an update on everyone...and everything...

Chloe is doing okay in school right now.  She is having trouble staying on "green".  They do a color system by what they do or dont do in school.  If they misbehave they move to yellow, and if they continue being bad they move to red.  She is having a hard time behaving well enough to stay on Green.  She also fights with her teachers about doing her school work.  Her attitude is getting bad though.  She is learning things from the
people she goes to school with and its aggravating me.  She tells me "no", she gives me dirty looks, she completely ignores me and what I say.  Today is the perfect example.  Jeff hurt his knee very very badly
this morning, and he wanted to go to the zoo to "walk it off" well it didnt work and he was in tears and completely hurting.  Chloe started throwing a fit and screaming and crying because she didn't want to hold
Jeff's hand.  She started yanking and pulling on him and he was in even more pain.  Finally he took her to the car.  On the way she threw herself on the pavement and he had to pick her up and carry her.  When he did that she kicked him in the knee, hit him, punched him, and was beating him.  He couldnt do anything because we were in public, but he was in tears by the time he got to the van from her kicking him in the knee.  This morning he dislocated his knee cap and he is bed-ridden now.  He can no longer put weight on it, he needs me to help him even get up and go to the bathroom, and after she kicked and kicked and kicked it made his knee so much worse.  I am getting so frustrated with her and this is just the tip of the iceburg.  She is getting worse and worse, and there is only so much I can do to control her.  I refuse to let my child act a fool.  I will not sit here and allow her to disrespect me and I certainly will not allow her to think she runs this house.


Nevaeh is being herself.  No real changes with her.  She is happy, and behaves much better on days her sister has school then on days her sister doesnt.

Junior is wonderful as always.  We moved him into the girls' room, since legally they can share a room
until Chloe turns 7.  We need the third room for a business Jeff is getting off the ground.  We hope to have a tuff shed put up by January which would then be converted to Jeff's office instead of Junior's room.   Since we had a little play in the money we decided that we would let him pursue his wants in a business instead of
the childcare, because honestly his would bring in more money, and my house would not be full of bratty kids who cannot listen.  LOL.  Once we get Jeff's Tuff Shed put up, we will go in the third room and completely re-do it from the daycare play room to Junior and Tyler's room.  I am excited about that.  I wasn't thrilled about them sharing a room with the play room.  I am hopeful everything takes off the way its supposed to, but if it doesnt, we have enough in the bank to open the daycare in February (thats his deadline).  Junior is also no longer using a bottle, he is using only his cup!  He still isn't walking yet, and I am okay with that, he will walk when he is ready.  Chloe was a late walker as well.

Jeff and I are doing well I guess.  I mean I went a little hormonal on him because he stayed up all night and played gears of war after I was feeling neglected, and he completely made me feel like the asshole about it.  I told him how I felt, what was hurting about what had happened, and he said that it was just a stupid game and that he didnt think it mattered to me.  Usually it doesn't, I am uncomfortable, fat, feeling unwanted, and just needing some extra loving, and its just hard for me to get to feel secure in myself right now.  Last night, he came to bed with me, as he has done every night since I cried and told him how I felt. I feel bad about it because he has horrible insomnia and he says he just lays there for about 4-5 hours and then falls asleep, but he wants me to know that me feeling loved is more important then him having fun. Sigh.  I am so blessed to have him.

Household crap. 
So a couple weeks ago it sounded like there was water running through our water main in our front yard.  Jeff heard it first and then pointed it out to me.  The water company was doing work on the pipes under the street in front of our house.  After they were done with the work the sound stopped.  Well...we got our water bill yesterday.  And guess what??  Our bill was over 1,000 dollars!  Its apparently a common thing that happens in Denver....http://www.glendalecherrycreek.com/t,news_template/m,news_detail?id=99....I dont know what to do, so Monday we are having a bench test done by the water company and we are having a plumber come out and check out our pipes to prove there is no leak.  I am not paying this bill, because it is NOT my bill.  I have never had a water bill over 50 dollars, and that bill was from when we filled out 1,000 gallon pool.  Crazy asses.  

Tricia and I are good of course.  We have been together two months as of today.  Part of my problem this week was that I hadn't heard from her and I was worried.  I was so scared, and freaking out because I KNEW something was wrong.  I got a letter today.  She was in the medical wing.  She got jumped and was beaten pretty badly, because she didnt want to fight back and get in trouble.  The CO's (Correction Officers) tear gassed not only the girl who jumped Tricia but Tricia herself.  So on top of her wounds she was gassed as well.  She got put in ad seg (administrative segregation) and is there for 15 more days.  She knew I was going to be freaking out and thinking I did something wrong.  She knew I would be worried sick.  She apologized about 10 times and of course she felt horrible.  She doesn't have any more stamps until she can get to the store when she gets out of ad seg, so I wont hear from her for a couple weeks...when I freak out, y'all can just remind me.  

I feel like I need someone to just write to and freak out to, and her to slap some sense back into me.  Seriously lol. 

Some of you have asked why Tricia is not mentioned in my bloop.  There are people who read my bloop who do not need to know about her.  I would prefer if this is kept here, and that is all.

Hm.  What else.  I am thinking thats all for now.

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
Daisypath Wedding tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers
Daisypath Thanksgiving tickersDaisypath Christmas tickersDaisypath Vacation tickers

Well lets update you

School-I ended up getting an A in psychology and a B in philosophy.  I started Fall semester on the 22nd of August.  I am taking Math, Human Growth and Development (Psychology), and two human services classes.  So far our of 3 quizzes, a paper, and two days of in class work I am getting a 100 percent in Psychology..my goal for this semester is to get a 4.0.  And I will get it.  I am also working on doing two honors projects, one for each of my Human Services classes because I really want to graduate with honors.

Kids-The kids are doing great.  Chloe is in regular Kindergarten now.  She is loving school, but hating her teacher because she started in one class and was moved to another one so she hates it.  She is doing well so thats good.  Junior will be one on Saturday.  He is growing up so fast!  Nevaeh is doing well, nothing is new with her really.

Tricia-On July 25th we became official.  We have been together a month, all three of us.  She did not get parole, so she will be in there until January of 2014.  We are planning a visit to see her in March.

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
Daisypath Wedding tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers
Daisypath Thanksgiving tickersDaisypath Christmas tickersDaisypath Vacation tickers
No one has really asked but I am going to give you an update on the pregnancy. At my last appointment, my infection was still there. It is a very resistant UTI. After three courses of one drug, they gave me another which was the only drug that can kill this bacteria besides the one I took three courses of. I dont know if it worked or not, I wont find out until my appointment this week.

They put me on suppressant therapy. They put me on this one drug that will keep this infection at bay until I have the baby. Because this infection is so bad and continues to come back (OR WONT DIE) they are worried about it attacking my kidneys because I have a history of very severe kidney infections. If it attacks my kidneys there is a good chance they will not be able to kill it and save the baby. My life is at risk and so is Squishys...but taking this drug puts the baby at risk for birth defects.

My doctor consulted with 4 other doctors to decide this...she is very resistant to doing this, but as she put it, her number one priority is me.

I feel like I am choosing between myself and my baby and my baby is losing.

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
Daisypath Wedding tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers
Daisypath Thanksgiving tickersDaisypath Christmas tickersDaisypath Vacation tickers

Swirling

Wow, I have a million things shooting through my head and my heart and I am trying to sort this all out. Its hard to sort through your head when you know that someone is always judging. So, why dont we start with my princess..

My baby started school yesterday. There is a program called Kindergarten Jump start and its a summer program to get children who were not accepted into preschool due to language barriers Here if your child speaks English as a first language they go to the bottom of the list. So naturally there wasnt a spot for Chloe in preschool. She started this program yesterday and I cried. She loves it though, so I am thrilled for her. I love that little girl. August 15th is her first Actual day of school!

Tricia...My Pen Pal
I adore that chick. Many people do not understand emotions through the mail/internet. I am no stranger to it, obviously because thats how my husband and I met. Anyway, our letters have went from one or two pages to 11 pages front and back...there is so much to learn and talk about with her. She is one of the most amazing people I have ever known. She is quickly becoming my best friend, and thats nice.

I am not looking at her like a "dating prospect" I am looking at her as a friend, an amazing friend. If when she gets out, and we hang out and hit it off in a more romantic way, then hey thats great, but that is not my goal in this. ANYWAY, I felt the need to explain that so no one would jump to the wrong conclusions.

I love the mail. I am finding myself watching it all the time like my days will pass faster if I know what has come in the mail. I am up to sending one letter a day...its nerdy, but its fun, and I know its making her smile, so its worth it. She sends me three songs each letter that she would like lyrics to. I have a gift idea for her, when she gets released, she will get a Zune loaded with each and every song she has asked for lyrics for.

A lot of people look at a criminal as a bad person. They arent...well not all of them. Tricia is 21. She got in trouble while she was with her sons father. She became addicted to crack and completely lost all her morals to get her drug. She even sold her body, her sons father pimped her out. They got together when she was 14. She takes responsibility for all of her actions and has been clean for over 4 years. She inspires me.

Jeff is a recovering meth addict, he has been clean for 7 years. He got clean four months before we got together, so its not new to me and its something I have learned not to judge people about. A lot of people have also asked if I will only write her while she is in prison. No, I wont. I want to plan a trip for Jeff and I only to go see her when she gets released. I want to show her that there are people who support her struggles, because we have been there (I havent but Jeff has). Many of you do not know, but my husband was in prison from 15 to 18. I will be safe...do not worry. I know what precautions I need to take and how to safely do it. I had other things to write about but I cannot remember anymore....

Rawr.

I now remember why I rambled on about Tricia in my last entry, but I completely forgot while I was writing it.  In her second letter she said “Sweetheart when are you going to take a moment to put MINDI first?”  I basically told her that I try and I know that it would do wonders for my self esteem, but I just don’t.  In her third letter she challenged me to do one thing per week for myself and write to her about it.  I am thinking about things to do for myself. 

So this week my “go Mindi” moment was getting a hair trim.  I got one the day after I sent her letter out.  You cannot really tell I got it trimmed, unless you see me daily.  My hair gets wild, and since its so fine the split ends are easy to see, I got about an inch off the back and then just a half inch around the sides to clean up the ends.  My goal is to get the layers all matched up from the last time I got that stupid hair cut.  My next hair trim will probably be the beginning of October!

It felt so amazing to spend 20 dollars on myself.  I have never done that, I mean really done that.  Every time I get a hair cut Jeff has to push me to get it because my split ends get so bad my hair knots up to the point where it takes him an hour to help me get it out.  This time, I went to him, and simply said “I am going to get a hair cut today, wanna take me?” He told me he was so proud of me and that he was glad that I am taking the steps I need to love myself more.

My “day” is Tuesdays.  My next “me” thing is I want to buy a waxing kit.  I have never waxed, I always shave, and I hate shaving.  I really do.  I am going to try to wax and see how it goes.  I know it will hurt.  I am okay with trying the pain, I am going to have Jeff do it for me.  I will do my “area” first, and then my legs and armpits.  I figure if we do the most painful area first then nothing else will feel as bad ;).  A lot of you will probably wonder wtf I am thinking doing something painful for my reward, but its something I have always wanted to do, but won’t spend the money on. 

I need more ideas for “me” days as obviously, I am running out.  I am thinking about the Harry Potter movie as one…a simple chocolate shake…I need other things though, because to me that seems lame. 

As far as gaining my self esteem back I have more ideas…I will need your help for this next one.  I am going to make little signs of things to remind me of who I am inside and out.  Signs like “You are Beautiful”, “You are Smart”, “You are funny”, and so on.  I need more ideas though, because since I hate myself to the point that I do, I cannot think of anything.  Just give me sayings!  My goal is to have those signs up by Monday. 

Another idea of mine.  Do my hair and make up and “dress up” every day.  I started doing that before and it really helped, and then I stopped, so I will start again.  I will be realistic and I probably wont do it tomorrow.  Sunday is my goal day.  Tomorrow I am going to focus on cleaning.  Wa hoo.

In other news…I am creating a FAQ about Tricia so if you have something you want to know, or if you have asked something I havent answered yet…expect that tomorrow!  Feel free to leave some questions, suggestions, or sayings!

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
Daisypath Wedding tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers
Daisypath Thanksgiving tickersDaisypath Christmas tickersDaisypath Vacation tickers

Its Done

Jeff's best friend stayed over last night because he was going to take her on errands.  Leslie accused us of cheating on her with Ashley.  I blew up.  This is the third fight she has picked in three days, and I told her if she believed that about me that I wouldnt be harassed or verbally attacked when I would NEVER cheat on her.  She said if I couldnt deal with that it wouldnt work, so I said fine, I am glad to have met you and your amazing son, you can keep the PSP and all the things we gave to him, and I wish you happiness, but I no longer will sell myself short of what I deserve.

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
Daisypath Wedding tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers
Daisypath Thanksgiving tickersDaisypath Christmas tickersDaisypath Vacation tickers

Jul. 4th, 2011

Things with Leslie are....going.

We went on the trip with her.  My mom was openly rude to her, even if we only introduced her as our friend.  My mom was mean to her, and rude to her.  We left early.  The damn drama that my mom caused of course made us fight.  We had a few fights, and at the end we ended up laying in bed together.  She rolled over and said "I do not want to lose either one of you, lets make this work". 

I have a great ton of pictures.  I should post them. 

We got home yesterday and I miss her already.  Sigh.

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
Daisypath Wedding tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers
Daisypath Thanksgiving tickersDaisypath Christmas tickersDaisypath Vacation tickers

Questions Answered

Like, how long have you been together?

With Leslie? I have been with her since Sunday, a very short relationship but I love the way its going so far.  With Jeff we have been together 6 years.  It will be 7 years in December.

How did you convince your husband that bringing in a girl is a good idea? 

We have been with women either me "alone" or both of us since November of 2007.  He kept bringing up the thought of a threesome, and then i admitted I was bi, and he allowed me to explore that.  We would rather date someone together then alone.

Did you decide on her together?

We decide on all of our girlfriends together.

Are you afraid of what would happen if one of you decided you weren't interested in her anymore?

I am very worried.  We have had unmutual break ups before and we always work through them.  What is most important is all parties are happy, including her.

And to go to the nature of the others day drama...

In a relationship like this, especially where one party has never done this, there will always be problems with feeling left out.  Especially because Leslie has no car right now, she is working on shopping for one.  She has to rely on us to come get her and take her home, which means she feels like we only get her when we want something.  Yesterday showed her that we want more then that, because we went and just drove for a couple hours to find a spot to have a picnic and spend time together.  It was an amazing trip. 

Feel free to continue to ask them :)


Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
Daisypath Wedding tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers
Daisypath Thanksgiving tickersDaisypath Christmas tickersDaisypath Vacation tickers

Pictures :) Answers coming up


Photobucket

Our Babies :)

Photobucket

My hubby loves me

Photobucket

Junior was asleep.

Photobucket

Leslie and I

Photobucket

Leslie and Jeff

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
Daisypath Wedding tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers
Daisypath Thanksgiving tickersDaisypath Christmas tickersDaisypath Vacation tickers

Yayness

I kept swearing I would keep my walls up, but they are never very strong with women.  They are up, and I know I will survive whatever happens, but I am a little scared.  Yesterday we had our first *fight*.  She felt like an accessory, and like we only wanted her when she could come over and give it up.  Thats not what we wanted at all and I had to explain that to her.  I wasnt getting her texts [well some of them] and she thought I was ignoring her.  It was just a long stressful day, but I am glad she brought it up, because I thought she was ignoring me.  

She came over and we talked I showed her my phone, and we just made up.  I held her for a good hour without saying a word.  I adore this chick, she is wonderful.  We laid there, and then she kissed me.  Oh her kisses, they are the most amazing wonderful kisses I have ever had from a woman.  It sends electricity through my body, and I lose all control.

TMI...of course we ended up having the most amazing make up sex.  We took turns on her, and just had an amazing time.  It flows so well with her.  It is so wonderful.  She screamed and yelled, and obviously enjoyed herself...and then she straddled me and held me down.  She started kissing me and she said...I have a confession to make.  I asked her what it was.  "I dont have any walls up, I am falling for you, and I am falling hard...please catch me".  Aww it was so adorable.  We go back and forth from crazy wild sex to passion and caring.  We would go from devouring eachother to soft passion filled kisses.  Ahh.  Honestly, its amazing.

TMI OVER

We are going to get ready to go get her soon.  She had to be home by 4 AM and we made plans to go play as a family today.  We will take all the kids up to red rocks and have a great time...expect pictures.  :)

A lot of you have questions about this, so I am opening this up.  You can ask me anything [either about this situation or my life] and I will answer honestly and sincerely!

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
Daisypath Wedding tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers
Daisypath Thanksgiving tickersDaisypath Christmas tickersDaisypath Vacation tickers

Jun. 21st, 2011

Sunday night I invited Leslie over to spend the night. I told her I wasnt expecting sex, I just wanted to spend the evening with her, since we were hitting it off so great on the phone. She came over, and looked amazing. She took my breath away...again...I felt so ugly and horrible..that is until she walked towards me and wrapped her arms around me and told me I looked beautiful. I almost cried. She was so sincere and ready to tell me how she felt. She sat next to me on the couch and we talked. I ended up with my head on her lap just laying there and talking. I told her I was getting tired, so I was going to head to bed. We offered her the couch, futon, or she had the option to come join us in bed. I crawled into bed with Jeff and she came in there and grinned. She said "are you sure this is okay" yeah, I am sure come snuggle. She crawled into bed and into my arms and I held her for a while, and then she kissed me.

TMI:: We ended up having insane sex. She was so good, and it was her first time. The first time with a woman is so different then with a man. She would go from being animalistic, to soft and sensual. She and Jeff of course did their thing, it was so right. It just worked. It wasnt weird or hard to keep the parties involved. Even when she was with Jeff she wanted to kiss me, to touch me. We passed out in a pretzel of bodies at 5 AM.

TMI Over

I woke up and we were all in the same position as when we fell asleep and it just felt good. I have my walls built up. This morning I was looking in the mirror...she gave me hickies..oops. She is a biter. LOL. While I was looking in the mirror she walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around me. She said "do you think you could love me" yes. YES. I know I could. Thats the scary part. I see myself falling head over heels for this girl, and that terrifies me. Its okay. I am just keeping her at arms length for a while until I feel completely comfortable. She is trying to chip away at my walls, but they are reinforced.

We are having a play date and dinner date on Wednesday. That will be fun. She is bringing her son over, and I am excited to meet him. I told her that her son is important to me. That I want her to know if we are a "trio" that he will be treated like my child. She started crying. Her exes never wanted that. She then asked me..do you want to keep me..like date exclusively? I told her yes, I do. Of course I do.

I have planned a camping trip for us when we get back from St Louis. I am so excited for it. I hope it goes well.

I will give you all a picture of her in a few..

Tags:


Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
Daisypath Wedding tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickersDaisypath Anniversary tickers
Daisypath Thanksgiving tickersDaisypath Christmas tickersDaisypath Vacation tickers